jessie mahne
Dabbling in comedy, Muay Thai & communication-related jorbs until one of them kills me.

Oct
17

Here is my set for “Comedy Zone” on Friday October 16, 2010. Enjoy?

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Oct
15

http://miningjournal.net/page/content.detail/id/549548.html?nav=5004

That article says “community leaders” will be performing… I’m not a leader. As a matter of fact, I haven’t been here long enough to be considered a resident… AWESOME!!

Hopefully, I’ll post some videos of my set. But, if it goes poorly, then we’ll pretend this day never happened.

Oct
14

After saying “ef it” to the fitness/comedy blog I started a couple of years ago, I have decided to revisit and declare a Renaissance of my blogging (aka I AM BORED)!

Here’s what my blog USE to be:

  • I was at Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI
  • I was writing about fitness tips and comedy thangs, which I might keep up amongst the madness.
  • I was young and immature.

Heres what my blog WILL be:

  • I am living in Marquette, MI until May 31st
  • I will write about stuff in my head and my life (which includes fitness tips and comedy thangs)
  • I am older yet still immature.

There you have it! Hopefully, I will treat this thing like a journal, recording the many species my thoughts create throughout my everyday life.

But, until then, keep it safe and legal!

Sep
12

Sept 8 at Mikey'sThe last time I performed stand-up was in January of 2007.  I decided that an almost two year hiatus was enough. I had to stop making up horseshit excuses for not performing stand-up.

So, after being offered a chance to perform stand-up at Mikey’s on Sept. 8, 2009, I accepted, and didn’t sleep for weeks trying to come up with an almost 100% brand new set.

Stressful as HELL, but also a really great deadline-meeting experience.

Sept 8

The performance came and went and it was SO FUN.  They even asked me to return for more 😀 !

If you happened to miss the live performance, I chose a few clips from my 20min set for you to view from my YouTube account:

http://www.youtube.com/user/theirony13

Aug
13

Note:

I am NOT an expert! The following information is based on personal experience. Please, use this advice as tips, motivation, and a foundation for yourself!

Thanks for visiting!

—–

If you’re like me when it comes to your skin, your genetics SUCK.  I spent my entire adolescence and young adulthood dealing with acne.  I went from Proactive and prescription medicine, to every treatment on this planet and NOTHING worked. And I mean NOTHING.  Then one day, I decided to jump online and fill out the profile for Skin I.D. because seriously, something HAD to work!! id1

If Jesus were a skin treatment, this would be it.

It has been a year since I have been using this stuff and it has been the ONLY thing that has worked. In fact, I have gotten A LOT of compliments on my skin throughout this past year, which has NEVER happened before. EVER. Since it has been a year, I feel that it is legit enough to share with the rest of you!!

So, long story short, if you are having acne problems, invest in Skin I.D.. The profile-creation process is fun and interesting, and the product is worth EVERY penny… which isn’t even that many pennies… its just under $40 and it lasts so long! There’s an option for them to send you a refill every month or so, but I totally use mine for at least 2 months. Its AWESOME and sooo economically efficient, which is a VERY important characteristic for this gal.

20080106_coffee_groundsAnother thing that I just started doing has been using my brewed coffee grounds as an exfoliate on my face.  I cleanse with my first step of Skin I.D., then I rub coffee grounds on my face, let it sit for 20 minutes, then use the last two products of Skin I.D. and my face feels like silk and looks so alive. Its phenomenal!!!

In conclusion, buy Skin I.D. and start being resourceful by using your brewed coffee grounds on your skin as an exfoliate.  And I’ll just say this in advance: “You’re welcome.”

😀

Aug
09

If you all didn’t hear, The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien is doing a contest. Long story short, if your car sucks enough, Conan will blow it up.  All you have to do is submit a short video explaining why he should choose your car.  I decided to participate.

Here is a link to the video which is on my YouTube page:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOvCiu24K5Y

Aug
06

So I was talking to my dear friend online and we were discussing the fatness of Wisconsin State Fair.  He mentioned how the State Fair is totally Wisconsin (no offense my fellow Wisconsinites, but we DO know how to eat very well :-D) but its not Milwaukee.

“What do you mean?!” I expressed with sheer confusion and curiosity. “Our city’s streets are laced with brats and beer bongs! There’s NO WAY the State Fair ISN’T Milwaukee!”

Then, he led me to this link from Men’s Fitness (http://www.mensfitness.com/city_rankings/462) where it showed the top 10 most fit cities in the Nations, with Milwaukee ranked as #10.map-1

So congratulations, Milwaukee! You’re doing something right 😀  Let’s see if we can get the rest of the state to match!!

Jul
23

Note:

I am NOT an expert! The following information is based on personal experience. Please, use this advice as tips, motivation, and a foundation for yourself!

Thanks for visiting!

—–

Your diet is the number one factor in weight loss.  Almost everything involving your health depends on what/when/how you eat.

I want to introduce my theory about which foods you should eat, which foods you shouldn’t, and at what time of day you should eat them!

This could be a great grocery list for you next time you go to the store!!

1207629516-29368_fullBreads/Grains

WHEN: Personally, I TRY to keep bread and grains in the earlier hours when I eat.  Usually, the first two meals of my day will have grains of some sort, and then I start weening them off as the day goes on.

The reason I eat them earlier is because they are a good source of protein and energy due to the sugar conversion that occurs once they are in your body. Having those sugars in my body as the day winds down results in more fat storage which is obviously something I don’t want.

But! Bread and grains are PERFECT for strenuous weight training, because sugar is the #1 thing your muscles need to recover from getting their asses handed to them.  So, if I do a badass weight-training routine, I might think about having a slice of bread with Smart Balance peanut butter on it… oh my God, that sounds great…

WHAT YOU SHOULD EAT:

Multigrain bread, crackers, and chips p92167b

Nature Valley granola bars (AWESOME & fun for dipping in yogurt!!!) and Nature’s Path organic granola — there are A LOT of flavors with these!!

La Tortilla low carb/high fiber tortilla shells

Birds Eye Steamfresh brown rice

0001450001280_215X215Kashi, Fiber One, or whole grain cereals

WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT EXCESSIVELY EAT:

White bread, crackers, and chips

Flour tortillas

“kid” cereals

chicken breast-recipesProtein

WHEN: To me, protein is great any time.  Its what your muscles need to develop and if your body doesn’t use it, it doesn’t store it!

Protein is most important for before and after workouts however.

WHAT YOU SHOULD EAT:

Chicken breast

Tenderloin and sirloin steaksmartbalancepeanutbutter-740942

Fish

Lean ham

Turkey

Almonds, cashews, and walnuts

Egg whites

Smart Balance Peanut Butter with Omega-3’s

soyjoyProtein shakes (whey, soy, probolic)

Soy products

WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT EXCESSIVELY EAT:

Fatty meats, like ribeye steak, sausages, and bacon

Processed lunch meats

Breaded chicken

More than a handful of peanuts

“Regular” peanut butter

070808104257-largeDairy

WHEN: Dairy products are also a great source of protein and vitamins, and can for the most part, be eaten at anytime.

WHAT YOU SHOULD EAT:

Low fat/fat free cottage cheese

Low fat/fat free milk

Dannon Light & Fit yogurt

Fat-free mozzarella string cheeseI016

fat-free cheeses

Smart Balance olive oil butter

WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT EXCESSIVELY EAT:

Whole milk, Vitamin D milk, cream

Ice cream

mixed vegetablesVegetables

WHEN: Veggies are good anytime/anyplace.  They are packed with fiber and vitamins and BARELY have any affect on your caloric intake.  There’s some myth about negative calories existing (meaning that the food you eat actually takes more calories to digest than they actually contain), and vegetables are one of them.

WHAT YOU SHOULD EAT:

All veggies are good for you!! 😀  Some are better than others (sugar content), but for the most part, there isn’t a bad vegetable out there!

Californian_Fruit_SaladFruits

WHEN: Like the bread/grains, fruit should be consumed earlier rather than later due to the natural sugars in the fruit.

WHAT YOU SHOULD EAT:

Like vegetables, all fruits are good! Once again, some are better than others.

Jul
17

Note:

I am NOT an expert! The following information is based on personal experience. Please, use this advice as tips, motivation, and a foundation for yourself!

Thanks for visiting!

——

The main problem with people’s workout plans is that they don’t understand their body type.  They need to know which exercises work best for them as well as the shape their bodies are able to get in.  I mean, you can certainly try to get to a specific “shape” if you work your ASS off, but if your body type doesn’t support that kind of development, then you must know that to prevent frustration and giving up on yourself.

Therefore, I want to briefly talk about the three body types, the benefits, and which workouts are best for them.

bodytype_endomorphEndomorph

HOT DEETS: This poor guy… Endomorphs are “round and soft” people.  They easily gain fat and unfortunately can’t lose it easily either.  They also have a hard time building lean muscle.

THEIR WORKOUT & DIET: To be honest, this body type as to work their ASS off to get anywhere.  Since they are naturally suppose to be “thick,” its going to be difficult to get away from there.  Therefore, this body type needs to make sure to eat very clean (NO SUGAR, whole grains, vegetables, fruits, protein) and work out very hard in order to see results.

If I were an endomorph, I would spend a lot of time doing fat-burning cardio.  I’d start off with light paces and inclines, and work my way up to interval training once I get stronger.  Then, once I actually start shedding some poundage, I’d throw in some interval weight training to boost the metabolism and burn fat HARDCORE.

ectomorphEctomorph

HOT DEETS: These people are lucky bastards and genetically blessed… well, according to today’s society.  This body type is naturally very slim and slender.  They can burn fat EXTREMELY easily but have a hard time building lean muscle.

THE WORKOUT: These are the people you see running for hours on the treadmill and it ACTUALLY working for them… THAT’S AN ILLUSION.  Sustained cardio actually doesn’t work at all. Ecto’s are just genetically “lucky” and can pull off only going for jogs as their workout because they can barely gain fat anyway.

Therefore, if these people want to be big and buff, they can definitely get there, but it will take a LONG TIME and a lot of muscle-gaining protein along the way.  So, if I were an ectomorph, I would stick to weight-training to strengthen my muscles and burn fat, and ultimately make me looked SHREDDED.  And, like I said, if I wanted to get stacked, I’d have to work my ass off and consume a lot of proteins to help build up bulk, for these types can’t really do it well.

bodytype_mesomorphMesomorph

THE DEETS: This is my body type.  Mesomorphs are the basic athletic build.  We can build muscle extremely easily, but unfortunately, we can also gain fat easily as well.  So, we basically have to always be busting our asses to keep lean.

THE WORKOUT: As a mesomorph, I found that sustained cardio does shit (as mentioned before).  Since I can’t burn fat easily at all, I want to do something that will murder me and target my fat cells instantly… INTERVAL TRAINING. For us, intervals (cardio and weight lifting) are pretty much the only thing that works.  In fact, I have been doing interval training for only a week and a half, and I am already seeing AMAZING results.  Seriously, these exercises and a clean diet WORK for us.

Which body type do you fall under??! What have you noticed works best for you?

Jul
12

Note:

I am NOT an expert! The following information is based on personal experience. Please, use this advice as tips, motivation, and a foundation for yourself!

Thanks for visiting!

———-

Getting started with a work-out is hard enough as it is.  You have to make time, conjure up a high amount of energy, and know how to feed your muscles throughout the day so you actually see results.  Therefore, supplements, even though not COMPLETELY necessary, are a really good thing to include EVERYDAY.

I’m gonna give you a list of supplements that I feel are most important and work the best when working-out and when morphing over to a healthier lifestyle.  Take a gander at them and see which ones you like the most!

(1) Omega-3 / Fish Oil omega3

This supplement is SUPER important for just everyday life, and I suggest you take this every single day you wake up.

What it is: Omega-3 is a fatty acid found in foods like walnuts, some fruits and vegetables, and especially coldwater fish (herring, mackerel, sturgeon, and anchovies)

Benefits: According to Laurie Tansman, a nutritionist at NY’s Mount Sinai Medical Center,

“[Fish oil] not only plays a vital role in the health of the membrane of every cell in our body, it also helps protect us from a number of key health threats.”

It also reduces the risk of… (1) heart disease

(2) strokes

(3) symptoms of hypertension

(4) depression

(5) attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

(6) joint pain and other rheumatoid problems

(7) certain skin ailments

Omega-3’s can also boost the immune system and help protect us from an array of illnesses including Alzheimer’s disease.

What form(s) it comes in: soft-gel capsule, soft chews, and liquid formula

When you should take it: EVERYDAY!!

(2) Multivitamin

A multivitamin is SUPER important if you’re not eating a balanced diet.  I suggest that you definitely consider taking a multivitamin every single day… you’ll feel a lot better!!
vitamins-hoax-01-af

What it is: Basically, a multivitamin is a must if you aren’t eating a balanced diet.  A multivitamin is packed with nutrients you need every day that you may be missing if you aren’t eating the right amounts of whole grains, vegetables, fruits, protein, dairy, etc.

Benefits: provides you with essential vitamins you should have EVERYDAY.

What form(s) it comes in: Vitapaks, chewables, capsules, and formulas

When you should take it: EVERY DAY!!

(3) Protein (whey, soy, probolic)

This is very important for building and maintaining the muscle you work so hard to strengthen.  I absolutely think you should use this. I personally use probolic because it has low calories a S-LOAD of amino acids, and actually works!!!
mhpcook

What it is: Whey protein- the protein contained in whey, the watery portion of milk that separates from the curds when making cheese.

Soy protein- protein contained in soy beans and contains estrogen.

Probolic protein- protein enhanced with amino-acids

Benefits: whey protein- supports lean muscle development

soy protein- contains all essential amino acids, reduces cholesterol levels/heart disease, a high quality protein, supports lean muscle development

probolic protein- supplies the body with essential amino acids for an extended period of time (12hours), supplies nitrogen to the muscles to support muscle development, supports lean muscle development

What form(s) it comes in: whey protein- powder, meal replacement bars

soy protein- powder, soybeans, meal replacement bars

probolic protein- powder, meal replacement bars

When you should take it: after a resistance work-out to help support muscle recovery and development (it is not necessary for after cardio), as a meal replacement

(4) b-12 vitamin

b12

This supplement is very good for producing natural energy without caffeine.  USE IT!!!

What it is: Produces energy and raises your metabolic rate. In general, you need vitamin-B to create blood cells and to have a healthy nervous system.

Benefits: creates red blood cells and therefore prevent anemia (lack of red blood cells), produces natural energy to motivate you to work out!

What form(s) it comes in: tablets

When you should take it: EVERYDAY!

(5) CLA

I’m on the fence about this stuff because it works for some but not for others. Try it out and see if it works for you.

cla

What it is: a naturally occurring fatty acid that is found in meat and dairy products

Benefits: reduce body fat/supports fat burning, prevents cancerous cells from developing,

What form(s) it comes in: capsules

When you should take it: take 1-2 before every large meal