jessie mahne
Dabbling in comedy, Muay Thai & communication-related jorbs until one of them kills me.

RANT: Men’s bathrooms are shitty. Pun not intended.


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I bet if you asked anybody on this planet, no one would say that, STEREOTYPICALLY, a man’s bathroom is nicer than a woman’s bathroom. Yeah, there can be shitty women’s bathrooms and super nice men’s bathrooms, but at first judgement, you’re not going to be optimistic when entering a guy’s bathroom.

I’m not very girly, but I still happen to be extremely picky when it comes to bathrooms. I will not live with a “category four” bathroom.  Having said that, yes, there are four categories a bathroom can fall into:

Category #1: “Nice!”

These are the brand new bathrooms usually belonging to an adult couple who clean it and don’t shit everywhere.

 

Category #2: “Hmm. Decent.”

First of all, anywhere bowel movements are accepted and stored is automatically disgusting. So, every bathroom has a hint of “disgusting.” However, if this bathroom was built after 1990, I am impressed.

 

Category #3: “Ew.”

Any bathroom built before the 1990’s gets the “very” tacked onto the beginning of its description. I don’t care if it smells like the Garden of Eden, its still a bathroom, and even worse, its an old bathroom with mold everywhere. But, this is usually the case for college/young adult women; they get stuck in a 1960’s dorm, apartment or house and no matter what they do to spruce up the joint, the bathroom is still old and gross.

 

Category #4: “Oh my God, no.”

The second I bring Jesus into anything, I’m backing out. This is the category I automatically throw a college/young adult man’s bathroom into. I expect nothing less than a hint of ammonia and ass-feet as I’m stepping into it. But, if I’m wrong, then the bathroom is only “very disgusting” as opposed to “severely disgusting.” But to be honest, I’d feel more comfortable and cleaner going in the woods. At least it always smells like pine needles.

 

If I deserve ONE THING in my life, its a nice bathroom.

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